I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
