Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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