Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I supernannyed him into submission
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
