just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
