I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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