if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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