Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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