if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
