So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
