remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
