Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
