WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
