Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
