after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
