I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
