I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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