True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
