She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
