i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
