I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
