The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
