my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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