Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
