Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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