Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
