she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
