I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
