I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
