When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
