Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Please, let me fuck your mom
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You've changed since you got that strap on
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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