So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize