I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
