White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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