My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Found the puke drawer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
