On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
