You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
