For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
