saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
