The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
