Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
