I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
