..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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