What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
