i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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