This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
