you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
