i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
