Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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