You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize