i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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