New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize