I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
pray to the hookup gods
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
