well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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