I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize