Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh god it's open bar.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
