Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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