Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
