Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
