you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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