Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
