eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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