I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
