I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
