I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
