Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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