Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
